looking for alaska

I love this book. That is all.

remember her?

Quietly, she approached the altar, head dipped in respectful silence. Her eyes were closed, her knees brushed against the alabaster carpet, as she mumbled her grievances, her sins.

When she arrived at the foot of the dais, she fell into mute numbness, quite unsure of what to say. She had already wasted breath on silly things, like -

falling in love

falling in hate

falling into nothingness.

You picked me.

I hate myself for loving you.
I hate knowing that nothing is going to happen between us.

Goodbye, Mr. Despair.

Dear X, Sincerely Me.

I don't like blaming you for everything, but I think I might start doing that.

So here it is: it's all your fault.

We haven't talked in months, I text, you ignore. What's the problem here? Are we too busy/important/bored/unattached/annoyed to write back a simple text saying "yeah, I'm alive, stop bugging me"?

It's fine, I understand - there must be an unfathomable reason you suddenly vanished off the face of the earth, but...I'm kind of tired of sitting and waiting. Sure, we'll see each other eventually, to exchange notebooks, but what then?

I don't know. I'll be willing to admit that sure, maybe I'm not trying hard enough, but how can you try harder when the person won't even speak to you?

Rachel, I'm sorry, but where are you?

someone like you

I want to talk on the subject of money.
Money is something I tend to spend. I don't save money because I have a hard time doing so.
Money is evil. When you have a lot of it, you are lifted up in social rank. When you have too little of it, it's hard to get by.
I'm no millionaire, but I know a couple. *CoughMr.PaleandSpookyCough*
So, I'm going to start saving my money. After I buy my Serah costume, of course. *shot* By then, I won't have any money to save! I fail so epically, there are no words!

I had an interesting day today.

the moment

There's a time where you simply stop thinking and start...well, dying.

I am a hardcore self-depreciator, I will not lie about that. It's how I was programmed to function - if I keep myself at a lower level, people will underestimate me and I'll be able to rise from my self-induced handicap and beat the living shit out of everyone.

Or, at least, that's what I thought I would be able to do. I have kept myself at this lower standard for such a long time now that I'm doubting my own abilities - and I hate being another cliched teenager in this sea of puppets because it's now how I roll.

I make my own roads, I don't follow preset directions. I was never good with them, anyways.

But what does this have to do with Love? Everything.

Most of you already know that I am infatuated (noun :infatuation - a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration) with a boy. I refuse to admit it, but he's become integrated into my life in way I hate - constantly. plaguing. my thoughts.

And I hate it because I cannot control these emotions - they're pesky things. I feel like I'm not worth it, I feel like I'm not good enough for him. Which makes me feel even more pathetic considering he is just a boy, another nameless puppet in our society. I am a wallflower. He is too. We are a match made in Heaven - but for him to realize this is like for me to admit that he's just not that in to me. Not. Going. To. Happen.

I hate feeling inferior, but I hate feeling like I'm on top of the world.

Can feelings go away? Please?

Wait, no. No no no no no no. I like feelings. Wait, no I don't.

Ew, contradiction after contradiction - I need to sort my head out. I mean, honestly. adfasd;;;

Well, like, ugh.

(scientifically speaking, you have to be infatuated with a person for over a year and a half to be technically "in love". or something like that.)

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

WARNING: If you have a dislike for nerdy-ness supreme, please run away screaming.

Okay, today is the day guys. I've been spazzing about it for the last year and a half - today, Pokemon Black and White come out to the US! Squee~

Now feel free to shoot me! :D

what will it take to make you fall in love with me?

Very much, I assume, due to the fact you haven't run into my arms yet.

It's okay, though. You will, eventually.

Oh my God I sound like a psycho-stalker someone please shoot me before it's too late.

EDIT: I fail at spelling. 0_0