Well, the last word in that wonderful sentence might not fly well with people. So too bad.
I feel terrible. I've called my dad things I don't regret now, but will regret in the long run. Well; I've said them in my head.
My mom thinks I'm emo.
I think I'm emo
My life is too problematic, and I'm just thirteen.
Normal thirteen year olds don't go through all the stuff I'm going through now.
I feel like I'm a waste of space, I keep asking myself, 'Why am I trying so hard to be perfect? I'm not.'
Sometimes I keep pushing myself to reach my goals. It's hard keeping up with homework; I haven't checked my grades but it'll be a freaking miracle if any of them are a 'B'.
I think I might transfer. I'm really leaning towards it.
Then again I'm leaning towards many things.
When I look at myself and look at my classmates, I see two major differences. Waist. I'm fat when I stand next to any of them. This makes me consider going anorexic or not eating at all.
But I keep telling myself that I can't do that; that I won't let myself throw away my life like that.
I've cried twice today. I cried once yesterday. This pain is too much for me to bear.
Not even music can handle it.
Everyone tells me the same thing, 'Pray to God'.
I do pray. But sometimes I wonder if my prayers have reception.
I keep looking everywhere I go, searching for a distraction. Writing was my distraction until my laptop died. I don't know where to turn to so I turned towards blogging.
And Jack's Mannequin. Andrew's vocals are so hurt, bruised, but the tempo and final lines give me hope. Light in a labyrinth.
Sigh.
I know God's somewhere up there. He's watching over me, He put me on this earth for some reason that I probably will never know so I can't destroy what He made.
...
hmm.
I hate school. I'm going to go and finish my report.
ciao, i guess.
-angie.
No comments:
Post a Comment